Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Bar Poem
I'm composing a poem
for Mike County
about this bar
that used to sell
hot nuts
cuz my knitting's tangled
and tea lights make
a better story
with forgotten George's lighter
and the lilty-voiced guy asking,
"Whatchya writing?"
and later if
my marriage is happy
or if I'll pump and dump.
Amanda off being badkarmadized
by rhymes with Terminator
after DK plays
The Magnificent Seven
and we dance
like we've still got it
the woman in the blue beret
still does
until fat bottomed guy gets up
and vomits music
sends us running
to the back door, not smoking
til it's over.
But I'm not crying cuz
3's a magic number
and the first set
wasn't "schlock" and
there's a bass player, a kid,
his badge I think says, "kill the hippies"
But we don't talk to him.
Yet.
Turns out there's a guy
wants a baby but not the woman
to go with
so we walk.
In snow, talking about
glass sailboats and lace shawls,
husbands and babies
Monday out
to say that
all's not dead
when snow falls over Gloucester.
for Mike County
about this bar
that used to sell
hot nuts
cuz my knitting's tangled
and tea lights make
a better story
with forgotten George's lighter
and the lilty-voiced guy asking,
"Whatchya writing?"
and later if
my marriage is happy
or if I'll pump and dump.
Amanda off being badkarmadized
by rhymes with Terminator
after DK plays
The Magnificent Seven
and we dance
like we've still got it
the woman in the blue beret
still does
until fat bottomed guy gets up
and vomits music
sends us running
to the back door, not smoking
til it's over.
But I'm not crying cuz
3's a magic number
and the first set
wasn't "schlock" and
there's a bass player, a kid,
his badge I think says, "kill the hippies"
But we don't talk to him.
Yet.
Turns out there's a guy
wants a baby but not the woman
to go with
so we walk.
In snow, talking about
glass sailboats and lace shawls,
husbands and babies
Monday out
to say that
all's not dead
when snow falls over Gloucester.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Feeling Linky
I've been feeling linky lately. Saw and heard this over at boingboing.
Hoping some day for a combined Simpsons/Glass Prism thingy with "The Raven." I see a singing Bart, some family backup, and velvet jackets and Beatle-like coiffures all around.
Hoping some day for a combined Simpsons/Glass Prism thingy with "The Raven." I see a singing Bart, some family backup, and velvet jackets and Beatle-like coiffures all around.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Hobo's Blog and Ernie's Show
Hobo Elephant, uh, I mean Greg C has a blog. I like it. So far I'm partial to the Globe piece on Nan Goldin. It nearly broke my heart. As did Greg's kind words about Ernie Morin's work.
Speaking of, if you missed the city hall debut of At the Crossroads, Ernie's slideshow depicting the people, places, and t-shirts of Gloucester, you have another chance to see it. It'll be running on Saturday, January 27th at the Cape Ann Hysterical Museum at 3 p.m. I hear that the president of the CAHM will be in attendance and that this is a good time for you to encourage him to buy art for the museum. You know, work that you'd like to see there. Maybe made by local artists and such. More specifically, Ernie's work. I hear the prez is terribly mean but if you mention the names Aidan, Cole and/or Thea, he softens a bit. He also might be open to producing commemorative EM coffee mugs with "Love Slave" or "Ben's Bitch" scrawled upon them. In any case, I urge sweet talking of the sort that you are comfortable with to get your points across and get some new, new work, some new, old work, some attitude and some sass into Gloucester's museum.
I leave you with this photo of a partially costumed Hobo Elephant amidst miniature golf and flags and unsuspecting little girl.
Speaking of, if you missed the city hall debut of At the Crossroads, Ernie's slideshow depicting the people, places, and t-shirts of Gloucester, you have another chance to see it. It'll be running on Saturday, January 27th at the Cape Ann Hysterical Museum at 3 p.m. I hear that the president of the CAHM will be in attendance and that this is a good time for you to encourage him to buy art for the museum. You know, work that you'd like to see there. Maybe made by local artists and such. More specifically, Ernie's work. I hear the prez is terribly mean but if you mention the names Aidan, Cole and/or Thea, he softens a bit. He also might be open to producing commemorative EM coffee mugs with "Love Slave" or "Ben's Bitch" scrawled upon them. In any case, I urge sweet talking of the sort that you are comfortable with to get your points across and get some new, new work, some new, old work, some attitude and some sass into Gloucester's museum.
I leave you with this photo of a partially costumed Hobo Elephant amidst miniature golf and flags and unsuspecting little girl.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Celebrating the return of the light
Back in December Cole made a "tower crane" solstice candle. I made a stripeded one.
It's getting lighter out. It is.
It's getting lighter out. It is.
Friday, January 12, 2007
What I Meant
"The book came from somewhere deep within me and all my experience came together in it: mother's discontent, my own training in Gestalt and Freudian psychology, the fellowship I felt guilty about giving up, the stint as a reporter which taught me how to follow clues to the hidden economic underside of reality, my exodus to the suburbs and all the hours with other mothers shopping at supermarkets, taking the children swimming, coffee klatches. Even the years of writing for women's magazines when it was unquestioned gospel that women could identify with nothing beyond the home--not politics, not art, not science, not events large or small, war or peace, in the United States or the world, unless it could be approached through female experience as a wife or mother or translated into domestic detail! I could no longer write within that framework. The book I was now writing challenged the very definition of that universe--what I chose to call the feminine mystique. Giving it a name, I knew that it was not the only possible universe for women at all but an unnatural confining of our energies and vision."
Betty Friedan, 1973
As I sat thinking into my computer the other night, names like Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Betty Friedan, Kate Chopin and Edna Pontellier, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Adrienne Rich, Jean Rhys and Bertha Mason Rochester, Virginia Woolf, even Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath came to mind. I've read these women, I've taught the literature of these women, I've claimed to understand these women. But I haven't understood these women--until now, age 36 and three children in.
This understanding versus a peripheral understanding has come with experience, the experience of being a woman, a wife, a mother. This leading to an understanding of subtleties, the yellow in The Yellow Wallpaper, the mystique of The Feminine Mystique.
In identifying with the struggles of some of these women, then, I'm paying homage. A tribute to any woman teetering on the edge. The Ednas. The Virginias. The wives. The mothers. The ones who make it, and the ones who don't. I intend to be one of the ones who makes it. To go skinny dipping occasionally when the air is hot and the moon is right. But to make it. Into the water and back out again. Into the water and back again.
Betty Friedan, 1973
As I sat thinking into my computer the other night, names like Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Betty Friedan, Kate Chopin and Edna Pontellier, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Adrienne Rich, Jean Rhys and Bertha Mason Rochester, Virginia Woolf, even Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath came to mind. I've read these women, I've taught the literature of these women, I've claimed to understand these women. But I haven't understood these women--until now, age 36 and three children in.
This understanding versus a peripheral understanding has come with experience, the experience of being a woman, a wife, a mother. This leading to an understanding of subtleties, the yellow in The Yellow Wallpaper, the mystique of The Feminine Mystique.
In identifying with the struggles of some of these women, then, I'm paying homage. A tribute to any woman teetering on the edge. The Ednas. The Virginias. The wives. The mothers. The ones who make it, and the ones who don't. I intend to be one of the ones who makes it. To go skinny dipping occasionally when the air is hot and the moon is right. But to make it. Into the water and back out again. Into the water and back again.
Monday, January 08, 2007
To Understand
I hear snoring through the monitor. A good thing.
Sick children. Rooms switched. Life anew here in the Cunningham household.
Not one for resolutions, but here's one that I think I can stick to: Get out more.
I understand the delirium of 50s housewives. I understand the valium, why women walked into water with or without stones in their pockets. I understand. At 8:39 p.m. on a Monday evening, I understand.
I understand.
Sick children. Rooms switched. Life anew here in the Cunningham household.
Not one for resolutions, but here's one that I think I can stick to: Get out more.
I understand the delirium of 50s housewives. I understand the valium, why women walked into water with or without stones in their pockets. I understand. At 8:39 p.m. on a Monday evening, I understand.
I understand.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
A's Question
Last night as Aidan was lying in bed, nearly asleep she asked, "Why do the days keep going and going?" Not in an 'I am dissatisfied with my life' kind of way, but more an 'I keep going to sleep and waking up' kind of way.
Inferring also, will they ever stop? Or when will they stop for me?
I'm having a little trouble with this one, aside from the everyone dies bit we discussed. Any takers? Send non Armageddon answers to stewingham@hotmail.com
Inferring also, will they ever stop? Or when will they stop for me?
I'm having a little trouble with this one, aside from the everyone dies bit we discussed. Any takers? Send non Armageddon answers to stewingham@hotmail.com
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
A Collection of Results
Some results from this survey.
FONDEST MEMORIES AND/OR BIGGEST CHALLENGES:
Christmas
Molestation when I was 13--Drugs--Focus
Getting our Christmas tree and going to Disneyland
Consistently being charitable and resisting temptation
Our cabin
Trying to help my children who are struggling with serious problems . . . Staying focused on one thing at a time and not taking on too much . . .
Understanding that individual thought and freedom are as important as tolerance
Graduate school...
Marrying my wife
Trying to love and understand my in-laws and have them understand and love me in return
Playing with Legos
Mental illness and a constant feeling of inadequacy about everything. Lack of ability to focus and accomplish my goals.
Bringing my wife through the veil on our wedding day
Being married
When my family went to our ranch for spring break...We returned the next year but... we never had the same experience again.
Being a good parent
Summers spent at the beach
Law School
PROUDEST MOMENTS AND/OR BIGGEST FAILURES:
Becoming a parent, barn raising
Not having met and married my wife sooner
When I received the Sterling Scholar for dance
...not making the basketball team freshman year in high school. My brother played on the varsity team
Getting married to my husband
I remember trying out for the Elizabeth R. Hayes scholarship...I thought I did well, but as they were calling out names for dancers to go on to the 2nd round, my name was never called...
Singing "The Rose" at a high school assembly...Also, I was very proud when I completed my mission and gave my talk in church. I was proud not of my success nearly so much as the fact that I was so happy through most of it!
Wiping out during powder 8 contest at Alta
My marriage to my wife and the births of my children and grandchildren
My marriage
This summer in Hungary, when my daughter said her first word, “Baba”, which means dad in Farsi.
As a parent, not seeing big issues in my children’s lives in time to help alleviate future challenges, not being perceptive enough about what they needed . . . On a less serious note, not making songleader at the University of Utah the first year I tried out...
Nailing focus on a tough camera shot—standing up for marginalized people—questioning authority
While working, I made a big mistake involving signatures and affidavits. Need I say more? I guess hitting my face on the diving board and lying to a cop are up there on the list too.
When I graduated college, when I married my wife, when I returned from my mission, when I finished that 15-mile race. It’s more of a combination of positive experiences than a major moment.
Not achieving the levels of excellence I know I could have achieved with a little more effort and determination
When the Sigma Chi Fraternity sponsored me as a candidate for Homecoming Queen
All of my girlfriends. Rehab. AA. Trying to conform.
FONDEST MEMORIES AND/OR BIGGEST CHALLENGES:
Christmas
Molestation when I was 13--Drugs--Focus
Getting our Christmas tree and going to Disneyland
Consistently being charitable and resisting temptation
Our cabin
Trying to help my children who are struggling with serious problems . . . Staying focused on one thing at a time and not taking on too much . . .
Understanding that individual thought and freedom are as important as tolerance
Graduate school...
Marrying my wife
Trying to love and understand my in-laws and have them understand and love me in return
Playing with Legos
Mental illness and a constant feeling of inadequacy about everything. Lack of ability to focus and accomplish my goals.
Bringing my wife through the veil on our wedding day
Being married
When my family went to our ranch for spring break...We returned the next year but... we never had the same experience again.
Being a good parent
Summers spent at the beach
Law School
PROUDEST MOMENTS AND/OR BIGGEST FAILURES:
Becoming a parent, barn raising
Not having met and married my wife sooner
When I received the Sterling Scholar for dance
...not making the basketball team freshman year in high school. My brother played on the varsity team
Getting married to my husband
I remember trying out for the Elizabeth R. Hayes scholarship...I thought I did well, but as they were calling out names for dancers to go on to the 2nd round, my name was never called...
Singing "The Rose" at a high school assembly...Also, I was very proud when I completed my mission and gave my talk in church. I was proud not of my success nearly so much as the fact that I was so happy through most of it!
Wiping out during powder 8 contest at Alta
My marriage to my wife and the births of my children and grandchildren
My marriage
This summer in Hungary, when my daughter said her first word, “Baba”, which means dad in Farsi.
As a parent, not seeing big issues in my children’s lives in time to help alleviate future challenges, not being perceptive enough about what they needed . . . On a less serious note, not making songleader at the University of Utah the first year I tried out...
Nailing focus on a tough camera shot—standing up for marginalized people—questioning authority
While working, I made a big mistake involving signatures and affidavits. Need I say more? I guess hitting my face on the diving board and lying to a cop are up there on the list too.
When I graduated college, when I married my wife, when I returned from my mission, when I finished that 15-mile race. It’s more of a combination of positive experiences than a major moment.
Not achieving the levels of excellence I know I could have achieved with a little more effort and determination
When the Sigma Chi Fraternity sponsored me as a candidate for Homecoming Queen
All of my girlfriends. Rehab. AA. Trying to conform.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
"Brother John, how are you, why are you sleeping?"
At 4:00 a.m I agreed to complete this. Brother John, here's to solidarity and subversiveness. And I hope to post your answers here, if you'll let me.
Childhood ambition - to marry rich
Fondest memory - riding my red Schwinn ten speed with my best friend Liz who also had a red Schwinn ten speed
Favorite soundtrack - I mostly don't like soundtracks
Favorite music - It changes constantly, but this is what I've been listening to a lot in the last year: Johnny Cash, The Pogues, The Magnetic Fields, Beck, Wilco, The Beatles, Elliott Smith, Yo La Tengo, David Gray, Radiohead, The Clash, Belle and Sebastian, The Velvet Underground, Iron & Wine, Neil Young, Billie Holiday, Thelonius Monk, Madonna, Woody Guthrie, fiddle player Martin Hayes
Favorite retreat - I like to get out to a good bar. Good bars sometimes have good music. Good bars offer a good time, most of the time. Good bars tolerate a lot, but not everything. Good bars can be walked to. Good bars don't take themselves too seriously. Good bars let people be.
The person who has impacted your life the most: It's a toss up between Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Margaret Sanger. My life would be altogether different without the fights of either of these women--one for suffrage and one for birth control. I also wouldn't be here if it weren't for my mother and father. And, without Tad, my life would be something else entirely, three children different.
Proudest moment: leaving the church of my upbringing and accepting that I can love my parents and disagree with them
Biggest challenge: leaving the church of my upbringing and accepting that I can love my parents and disagree with them. Also, knowing when enough is enough.
Describe the perfect day: I don't believe in perfect days. Perhaps I believe in perfect moments like I believe in love. There's a lot of sadness in the world. Then, there are a lot of people making themselves sad in the process of trying to be perfect or make perfection.
First job: that I got paid minimum wage for: Red's Frozen Yogurt and Ice Cream as a blender of candy, nuts, and fruits with frozen things
Biggest failure: failure to keep my house as clean as some people think it should be
Favorite movie: currently it's Donnie Darko for the classroom love/fear scene
Strongest trait: I'm opinionated. I can also be intuitive.
Favorite book: It changes frequently, but for now it's One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Talent(s) others say you have: People say that I'm creative. People say that I take good pictures. Someone once said that I'm a "great shootist." I liked that. It made me laugh.
Country of ancestor's origin: I'm a Euromutt, I think.
Favorite ancestor: I admire the women who came before I did. They had a lot to contend with. I wish that I could be more specific here, but I don't know them well enough.
Favorite scripture:
508
I'm ceded--I've stopped being Theirs--
The name They dropped upon my face
With water, in the country church
Is finished using, now,
And They can put it with my Dolls
My childhood, and the string of spools,
I've finished threading--too--
Baptized, before, without choice,
But this time, consciously, of Grace--
Unto supremest name--
Called to my Full--The Crescent dropped--
Existence's whole Arc, filled up,
With one small Diadem.
My second Rank--too small the first--
Crowned--Crowing--on my Father's breast--
A half unconscious Queen--
But this time--Adequate--Erect,
With Will to choose, or to reject,
And I choose, just a Crown--
--Emily Dickinson
Something that inspires you: moments of clarity--this could be sitting atop a toilet or atop a mountain, things of beauty and functionality, and the fierce love that I feel for my children
Something that fills me with dread: trying to answer most of these questions without hurting anyone. Or, thinking that I can answer them without hurting anyone.
Childhood ambition - to marry rich
Fondest memory - riding my red Schwinn ten speed with my best friend Liz who also had a red Schwinn ten speed
Favorite soundtrack - I mostly don't like soundtracks
Favorite music - It changes constantly, but this is what I've been listening to a lot in the last year: Johnny Cash, The Pogues, The Magnetic Fields, Beck, Wilco, The Beatles, Elliott Smith, Yo La Tengo, David Gray, Radiohead, The Clash, Belle and Sebastian, The Velvet Underground, Iron & Wine, Neil Young, Billie Holiday, Thelonius Monk, Madonna, Woody Guthrie, fiddle player Martin Hayes
Favorite retreat - I like to get out to a good bar. Good bars sometimes have good music. Good bars offer a good time, most of the time. Good bars tolerate a lot, but not everything. Good bars can be walked to. Good bars don't take themselves too seriously. Good bars let people be.
The person who has impacted your life the most: It's a toss up between Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Margaret Sanger. My life would be altogether different without the fights of either of these women--one for suffrage and one for birth control. I also wouldn't be here if it weren't for my mother and father. And, without Tad, my life would be something else entirely, three children different.
Proudest moment: leaving the church of my upbringing and accepting that I can love my parents and disagree with them
Biggest challenge: leaving the church of my upbringing and accepting that I can love my parents and disagree with them. Also, knowing when enough is enough.
Describe the perfect day: I don't believe in perfect days. Perhaps I believe in perfect moments like I believe in love. There's a lot of sadness in the world. Then, there are a lot of people making themselves sad in the process of trying to be perfect or make perfection.
First job: that I got paid minimum wage for: Red's Frozen Yogurt and Ice Cream as a blender of candy, nuts, and fruits with frozen things
Biggest failure: failure to keep my house as clean as some people think it should be
Favorite movie: currently it's Donnie Darko for the classroom love/fear scene
Strongest trait: I'm opinionated. I can also be intuitive.
Favorite book: It changes frequently, but for now it's One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Talent(s) others say you have: People say that I'm creative. People say that I take good pictures. Someone once said that I'm a "great shootist." I liked that. It made me laugh.
Country of ancestor's origin: I'm a Euromutt, I think.
Favorite ancestor: I admire the women who came before I did. They had a lot to contend with. I wish that I could be more specific here, but I don't know them well enough.
Favorite scripture:
508
I'm ceded--I've stopped being Theirs--
The name They dropped upon my face
With water, in the country church
Is finished using, now,
And They can put it with my Dolls
My childhood, and the string of spools,
I've finished threading--too--
Baptized, before, without choice,
But this time, consciously, of Grace--
Unto supremest name--
Called to my Full--The Crescent dropped--
Existence's whole Arc, filled up,
With one small Diadem.
My second Rank--too small the first--
Crowned--Crowing--on my Father's breast--
A half unconscious Queen--
But this time--Adequate--Erect,
With Will to choose, or to reject,
And I choose, just a Crown--
--Emily Dickinson
Something that inspires you: moments of clarity--this could be sitting atop a toilet or atop a mountain, things of beauty and functionality, and the fierce love that I feel for my children
Something that fills me with dread: trying to answer most of these questions without hurting anyone. Or, thinking that I can answer them without hurting anyone.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Herein lies the Problem
Someone in my family sent this questionnaire for me to complete before Christmas. I'm not going to name names; I'm not harboring any anger or malice at the moment. However, this survey illustrates well the disconnect that I feel when it comes to my family. Do I answer it? Or don't I? Do I answer it truthfully? Or don't I? What will happen if I do? What will happen if I don't? It's a loaded gun here. And I'm not sure that I'm willing to fire. Though I might have an awfully good time writing about some of these. Dibs on the person who suggested that I send a naked picture of myself to the bishop (see below) asking that "this body be removed from the lists" to help me complete it.
Name___________________________________ Date________________
Childhood ambition______________________________________________
Fondest memory________________________________________________
Favorite soundtrack______________________________________________
Favorite music__________________________________________________
Favorite retreat_________________________________________________
The person who has impacted your life most__________________________
Proudest moment_______________________________________________
Biggest challenge_______________________________________________
Describe the perfect day__________________________________________
First job_______________________________________________________
Biggest failure__________________________________________________
Favorite movie__________________________________________________
Strongest trait__________________________________________________
Favorite book__________________________________________________
Talent(s) others say you have______________________________________
Country of ancestor’s origin_______________________________________
Favorite ancestor_______________________________________________
Favorite scripture______________________________________________
Something that inspires you_______________________________________
Name___________________________________ Date________________
Childhood ambition______________________________________________
Fondest memory________________________________________________
Favorite soundtrack______________________________________________
Favorite music__________________________________________________
Favorite retreat_________________________________________________
The person who has impacted your life most__________________________
Proudest moment_______________________________________________
Biggest challenge_______________________________________________
Describe the perfect day__________________________________________
First job_______________________________________________________
Biggest failure__________________________________________________
Favorite movie__________________________________________________
Strongest trait__________________________________________________
Favorite book__________________________________________________
Talent(s) others say you have______________________________________
Country of ancestor’s origin_______________________________________
Favorite ancestor_______________________________________________
Favorite scripture______________________________________________
Something that inspires you_______________________________________
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Have a Wonderful Day
Hello.
Hello. Is this the Cunningham residence?
Yes. (in the tone I use when I'm about to be sold something by someone and like this: a yeee (lean on the e) s (enunciated)
This is Sister Peterson from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We are offering you something special. We'll send you a copy of our Ensign Magazine for free. Are you interested?
How did you get my number?
Aren't you a member?
If I were ever a member, I'm not anymore and could you please remove my name from any lists that you have?
Are you saying that you don't want the free magazine that I'm offering you?
I don't want to be rude, but people need to stop calling me. I don't want to receive these calls anymore. How do I remove my name?
Well.... (pause, pause). (Very helpful, very nice tone). There is an LDS church in your area. You could find the church and call the bishop.
Call the bishop?
Yes. Call the bishop.
(chuckle, chuckle) O.k then. Goodbye. (tone: As soon as I get off of the phone I'll look through the phonebook until I find a number for my local Mormon church. If I can't find a number I'll call information. I might have to make a few phone calls and talk with a few people about why I want my name removed. Then when I do find the bishop, the MAN who oversees my ward (geographical grouping of people), and if I make it this far without giving up, I'll talk with him about exactly why I don't want my name on any list anymore...but while I'm doing this I'll decide that Mormon people are so nice and that I miss hypocrisy and Jell-O and bad metaphors and God so much that I'll forget why I was calling in the first place and I'll return to the flock in time to have a Merry Christmas).
Goodbye. And have a wonderful day.
Hello. Is this the Cunningham residence?
Yes. (in the tone I use when I'm about to be sold something by someone and like this: a yeee (lean on the e) s (enunciated)
This is Sister Peterson from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We are offering you something special. We'll send you a copy of our Ensign Magazine for free. Are you interested?
How did you get my number?
Aren't you a member?
If I were ever a member, I'm not anymore and could you please remove my name from any lists that you have?
Are you saying that you don't want the free magazine that I'm offering you?
I don't want to be rude, but people need to stop calling me. I don't want to receive these calls anymore. How do I remove my name?
Well.... (pause, pause). (Very helpful, very nice tone). There is an LDS church in your area. You could find the church and call the bishop.
Call the bishop?
Yes. Call the bishop.
(chuckle, chuckle) O.k then. Goodbye. (tone: As soon as I get off of the phone I'll look through the phonebook until I find a number for my local Mormon church. If I can't find a number I'll call information. I might have to make a few phone calls and talk with a few people about why I want my name removed. Then when I do find the bishop, the MAN who oversees my ward (geographical grouping of people), and if I make it this far without giving up, I'll talk with him about exactly why I don't want my name on any list anymore...but while I'm doing this I'll decide that Mormon people are so nice and that I miss hypocrisy and Jell-O and bad metaphors and God so much that I'll forget why I was calling in the first place and I'll return to the flock in time to have a Merry Christmas).
Goodbye. And have a wonderful day.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Who cares?
I usually shop at Market Basket in Danvers on Thursdays--while Cole is at preschool and Aidan is at school. I shop there because it is much cheaper than Shaw's. I drive out of town to a store where I negotiate narrow aisles filled with too much stuff. Every week. Or every other week. I get road rage and I want to ram into people with my cart because Market Basket is a busy place. I wait in line with the other people waiting in line, a collective sigh of resignation, a sigh that says, "You don't get something for nothing." But still I go. To save a dime. Actually, to save a lot of dimes.
Today I shopped at Shaw's. The store in the town where I live, the town where I spend most of my awake and asleep hours. I spent $137, much more than I usually spend for the same items at Market Basket. I bought bread and milk and eggs and butter and chicken and an Amaryllis growing kit and three chocolate peanut butter santas--3 for $1. I bought a few other things, my splurge buy a couple of packages of on-sale diapers, the kind I like best. But nothing really out of the ordinary.
I was in and out in about an hour. Today I bought time. I bought time to hold my baby, make silly-ass Christmas cards that only a crazy person would make. I bought time to sit at my computer and rant into it. I bought time to be out of my car and in my house, maybe knitting. I bought time to write about my time here--and either forget about this or write a letter about it to someone who cares.
Today I shopped at Shaw's. The store in the town where I live, the town where I spend most of my awake and asleep hours. I spent $137, much more than I usually spend for the same items at Market Basket. I bought bread and milk and eggs and butter and chicken and an Amaryllis growing kit and three chocolate peanut butter santas--3 for $1. I bought a few other things, my splurge buy a couple of packages of on-sale diapers, the kind I like best. But nothing really out of the ordinary.
I was in and out in about an hour. Today I bought time. I bought time to hold my baby, make silly-ass Christmas cards that only a crazy person would make. I bought time to sit at my computer and rant into it. I bought time to be out of my car and in my house, maybe knitting. I bought time to write about my time here--and either forget about this or write a letter about it to someone who cares.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
"Spring will never be fall," says Aidan
One day flowers were dropping
from the sky
Spring is here
Spring will never be
Fall
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Fuzz
In a funk. Of sorts. The fuzzy-headed kind where coffee doesn't help, but maybe crack would.
I want to read the Jane Jacobs book, but I'm tired.
I want to take photos, but I'm tired.
I want to talk to people, but I'm tired.
I want to write about my conversation with Ernie, but I'm tired.
Instead I play romper room and make playdough and playdough snakes with eyes and mouths that eat entire cities, trash trucks and all. We roll the trucks through to make tracks. Tracks and tracks.
Instead I sit with my daughter and read. Listen to her form letters. Invent words that might be right. She reads a line, "During the war," from a book that she chose from the school library, adaptation of Sleep Hollow. Earlier she asked what "Sysco" spelled as we sat in George's eating, talking. Wondering how to explain conglomerate.
Tonight we have a date to read The Snow Queen from a book given me by my grandmother. This afternoon we have a conference, the parent teacher kind.
Children arrive. Then they go. Then they come again and leave trails of books upstairs so that I know who has been there. Goodnight Moon. And another copy of Goodnight Moon. Runaway Bunny. The Mitten. Snowy Day. And another copy of Snowy Day in organized fashion, on the blue rug. This makes me laugh and I leave the books there because I want to be reminded, reminded of the people I love and that young is not forever.
I want to read the Jane Jacobs book, but I'm tired.
I want to take photos, but I'm tired.
I want to talk to people, but I'm tired.
I want to write about my conversation with Ernie, but I'm tired.
Instead I play romper room and make playdough and playdough snakes with eyes and mouths that eat entire cities, trash trucks and all. We roll the trucks through to make tracks. Tracks and tracks.
Instead I sit with my daughter and read. Listen to her form letters. Invent words that might be right. She reads a line, "During the war," from a book that she chose from the school library, adaptation of Sleep Hollow. Earlier she asked what "Sysco" spelled as we sat in George's eating, talking. Wondering how to explain conglomerate.
Tonight we have a date to read The Snow Queen from a book given me by my grandmother. This afternoon we have a conference, the parent teacher kind.
Children arrive. Then they go. Then they come again and leave trails of books upstairs so that I know who has been there. Goodnight Moon. And another copy of Goodnight Moon. Runaway Bunny. The Mitten. Snowy Day. And another copy of Snowy Day in organized fashion, on the blue rug. This makes me laugh and I leave the books there because I want to be reminded, reminded of the people I love and that young is not forever.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
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