Friday, August 05, 2005

Not a Choice

Disappointment. Even if it has been this way for, well, 15 years. Waiting, interminable. Wanting him to show. Or at least to return a call. Trying to act like it doesn't matter. Knowing that it does. And I thought it was different now, what with us talking through. "Allies," he said.

When you love someone you have expectations, even if you try not to. And expectations lead to hurt and hurt is not what most people want. What does anyone want but to be noticed, cared for, loved? Really loved. And wholly loved, on all of the levels that love exists, despite tragic flaw.

I will continue to love through the disappointment because I don't have a choice. It's what I know how to do. It's what I do. And there is hope, always, for us humans. Hope that circumstances will change, even when there is overwhelming evidence indicating that things mostly do and will stay the same.

and closer

ice ice baby

ghf in late afternoon

Oh, and if interested click on image to view larger image. Seems like this is how they should be viewed.

1 comment:

suestew said...

Tough. I can't say I fully understand what you are going through because I'm not where you are and probably won't ever be where you are. I try and pretend that the expectations I have are pipe dreamish. I fantasize about a relationship that I know could exist but doesn't. If I think or talk about it sincerly, I completely fall apart, crash and burn.

At least you are allies. Your enemy is shizophrenic and unpredictable and as long as that is the case, which it will always be the case, you will have a reason to connect.

He is very keen on apologies so perhaps if I do that sincerly forever, we will always have a reason to connect.