"Brother John, how are you, why are you sleeping?"

At 4:00 a.m I agreed to complete this. Brother John, here's to solidarity and subversiveness. And I hope to post your answers here, if you'll let me.

Childhood ambition - to marry rich

Fondest memory - riding my red Schwinn ten speed with my best friend Liz who also had a red Schwinn ten speed

Favorite soundtrack - I mostly don't like soundtracks

Favorite music - It changes constantly, but this is what I've been listening to a lot in the last year: Johnny Cash, The Pogues, The Magnetic Fields, Beck, Wilco, The Beatles, Elliott Smith, Yo La Tengo, David Gray, Radiohead, The Clash, Belle and Sebastian, The Velvet Underground, Iron & Wine, Neil Young, Billie Holiday, Thelonius Monk, Madonna, Woody Guthrie, fiddle player Martin Hayes

Favorite retreat - I like to get out to a good bar. Good bars sometimes have good music. Good bars offer a good time, most of the time. Good bars tolerate a lot, but not everything. Good bars can be walked to. Good bars don't take themselves too seriously. Good bars let people be.

The person who has impacted your life the most: It's a toss up between Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Margaret Sanger. My life would be altogether different without the fights of either of these women--one for suffrage and one for birth control. I also wouldn't be here if it weren't for my mother and father. And, without Tad, my life would be something else entirely, three children different.

Proudest moment: leaving the church of my upbringing and accepting that I can love my parents and disagree with them

Biggest challenge: leaving the church of my upbringing and accepting that I can love my parents and disagree with them. Also, knowing when enough is enough.

Describe the perfect day: I don't believe in perfect days. Perhaps I believe in perfect moments like I believe in love. There's a lot of sadness in the world. Then, there are a lot of people making themselves sad in the process of trying to be perfect or make perfection.

First job: that I got paid minimum wage for: Red's Frozen Yogurt and Ice Cream as a blender of candy, nuts, and fruits with frozen things

Biggest failure: failure to keep my house as clean as some people think it should be

Favorite movie: currently it's Donnie Darko for the classroom love/fear scene

Strongest trait: I'm opinionated. I can also be intuitive.

Favorite book: It changes frequently, but for now it's One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Talent(s) others say you have: People say that I'm creative. People say that I take good pictures. Someone once said that I'm a "great shootist." I liked that. It made me laugh.

Country of ancestor's origin: I'm a Euromutt, I think.

Favorite ancestor: I admire the women who came before I did. They had a lot to contend with. I wish that I could be more specific here, but I don't know them well enough.

Favorite scripture:

508

I'm ceded--I've stopped being Theirs--
The name They dropped upon my face
With water, in the country church
Is finished using, now,
And They can put it with my Dolls
My childhood, and the string of spools,
I've finished threading--too--

Baptized, before, without choice,
But this time, consciously, of Grace--
Unto supremest name--
Called to my Full--The Crescent dropped--
Existence's whole Arc, filled up,
With one small Diadem.

My second Rank--too small the first--
Crowned--Crowing--on my Father's breast--
A half unconscious Queen--
But this time--Adequate--Erect,
With Will to choose, or to reject,
And I choose, just a Crown--

--Emily Dickinson

Something that inspires you: moments of clarity--this could be sitting atop a toilet or atop a mountain, things of beauty and functionality, and the fierce love that I feel for my children

Something that fills me with dread: trying to answer most of these questions without hurting anyone. Or, thinking that I can answer them without hurting anyone.

Herein lies the Problem

Someone in my family sent this questionnaire for me to complete before Christmas. I'm not going to name names; I'm not harboring any anger or malice at the moment. However, this survey illustrates well the disconnect that I feel when it comes to my family. Do I answer it? Or don't I? Do I answer it truthfully? Or don't I? What will happen if I do? What will happen if I don't? It's a loaded gun here. And I'm not sure that I'm willing to fire. Though I might have an awfully good time writing about some of these. Dibs on the person who suggested that I send a naked picture of myself to the bishop (see below) asking that "this body be removed from the lists" to help me complete it.

Name___________________________________ Date________________


Childhood ambition______________________________________________

Fondest memory________________________________________________

Favorite soundtrack______________________________________________

Favorite music__________________________________________________

Favorite retreat_________________________________________________

The person who has impacted your life most__________________________

Proudest moment_______________________________________________

Biggest challenge_______________________________________________

Describe the perfect day__________________________________________

First job_______________________________________________________

Biggest failure__________________________________________________

Favorite movie__________________________________________________

Strongest trait__________________________________________________

Favorite book__________________________________________________

Talent(s) others say you have______________________________________

Country of ancestor’s origin_______________________________________

Favorite ancestor_______________________________________________

Favorite scripture______________________________________________

Something that inspires you_______________________________________

Have a Wonderful Day

Hello.

Hello. Is this the Cunningham residence?

Yes. (in the tone I use when I'm about to be sold something by someone and like this: a yeee (lean on the e) s (enunciated)

This is Sister Peterson from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We are offering you something special. We'll send you a copy of our Ensign Magazine for free. Are you interested?

How did you get my number?

Aren't you a member?

If I were ever a member, I'm not anymore and could you please remove my name from any lists that you have?

Are you saying that you don't want the free magazine that I'm offering you?

I don't want to be rude, but people need to stop calling me. I don't want to receive these calls anymore. How do I remove my name?

Well.... (pause, pause). (Very helpful, very nice tone). There is an LDS church in your area. You could find the church and call the bishop.

Call the bishop?

Yes. Call the bishop.

(chuckle, chuckle) O.k then. Goodbye. (tone: As soon as I get off of the phone I'll look through the phonebook until I find a number for my local Mormon church. If I can't find a number I'll call information. I might have to make a few phone calls and talk with a few people about why I want my name removed. Then when I do find the bishop, the MAN who oversees my ward (geographical grouping of people), and if I make it this far without giving up, I'll talk with him about exactly why I don't want my name on any list anymore...but while I'm doing this I'll decide that Mormon people are so nice and that I miss hypocrisy and Jell-O and bad metaphors and God so much that I'll forget why I was calling in the first place and I'll return to the flock in time to have a Merry Christmas).

Goodbye. And have a wonderful day.

Who cares?

I usually shop at Market Basket in Danvers on Thursdays--while Cole is at preschool and Aidan is at school. I shop there because it is much cheaper than Shaw's. I drive out of town to a store where I negotiate narrow aisles filled with too much stuff. Every week. Or every other week. I get road rage and I want to ram into people with my cart because Market Basket is a busy place. I wait in line with the other people waiting in line, a collective sigh of resignation, a sigh that says, "You don't get something for nothing." But still I go. To save a dime. Actually, to save a lot of dimes.

Today I shopped at Shaw's. The store in the town where I live, the town where I spend most of my awake and asleep hours. I spent $137, much more than I usually spend for the same items at Market Basket. I bought bread and milk and eggs and butter and chicken and an Amaryllis growing kit and three chocolate peanut butter santas--3 for $1. I bought a few other things, my splurge buy a couple of packages of on-sale diapers, the kind I like best. But nothing really out of the ordinary.

I was in and out in about an hour. Today I bought time. I bought time to hold my baby, make silly-ass Christmas cards that only a crazy person would make. I bought time to sit at my computer and rant into it. I bought time to be out of my car and in my house, maybe knitting. I bought time to write about my time here--and either forget about this or write a letter about it to someone who cares.

Little She